Time was that we at Icygeek were fans of wrestling. But after CM Punk’s seemingly-permanent departure and Daniel Bryan having to forsake the title in 2014, WWE has sucked pretty hard. RAW became the reason why we ended up getting a DVR…so that we could bypass much of RAW, if not just skip it entirely. But somehow Vince McMahon decided to have the gall to have the first ever four-hour Summerslam, when only Wrestlemania has been that long. A total of ten matches have been announced, and there doesn’t look to be much to recommend. Still, we at Icygeek do have predictions for this alleged extravaganza.
Dolph Ziggler vs. Rusev
Meh. Ziggler has been held back so long that it is pretty much “why bother”. Rusev has a gimmick that worked great in the 1980s but not now, but Vinnie Mac always goes back to what he knows, and that is larger-than-life musclehead babyfaces and foreign heels. This feud is nowhere near over, so expect a Rusev win here with the two blonde Divas involved having something to do with the finish.
Team Bella vs. Team B.A.D. vs. Team PCB
PCB reminds me of PCD (Pussycat Dolls). It’s an elimination match, so expect this to go on for awhile. 90% of the talent in this match is in Team PCB so hopefully they win, but it will probably be Team Bella as they seemed to have a charmed life. Anyone remember who the non-Bella Team Bella member is? I didn’t think so.
Kevin Owens vs. Cesaro
This should be a fun slobberknocker. Cesaro sounds ready for a push, and reportedly Vinnie Mac’s right hand man Kevin Dunn sees nothing in Owens, so go for an Cesaro win here.
Stephen Amell and Neville vs. Stardust and King Barrett
Team Arrow vs. Team Many failed pushes. Has a celebrity ever lost a match they were in, save for when celebrities were on both sides? Don’t remember any. Team Arrow it is then.
Prime Time Players vs. Los Matadores vs. New Day vs. Lucha Dragons
Ugh, there’s only one team (Lucha Dragons) I ever want to see on my TV ever again. If there was justice in this world they would win, but since justice does rule and P.C. does, looks like the Players keep their title.
2/3 of Wyatt Family vs. 2/3 of the Shield
Snarky headline, but that is what it is. People are expecting one of the former Shield members to turn heel, so looks like the Wyatts win.
Ryback vs. Big Show vs. The Miz
Yes folks, this is your IC match. Only the Miz really deserves the title, and presuably he will win it from Ryback.
Randy Orton vs. Sheamus
Considering what I fear might happen in the next match, I see Orton winning, only for it to not really matter by the end of the night. Go away Shemus until you stop looking like a goofy pussy.
Seth Rollins vs. JOHN CENA
I purposely put Cena’s name in caps, as he’s been the dominate face for so long, and Vince always goes back to what he knows (as I said earlier). TV ratings are down, and Cena is a reliable soldier, so see Cena tie Ric Flair’s 16 world title reigns. Let’s hope we don’t see Sheamus cash in…we are so done with him, but he’s reportedly HHH’s boy backstage, so be ready to feel sick with the Cena win, and then go full malaria with Sheamus getting the title while Cena chases him for several months.
Brock Lesnar vs. Undertaker
*sigh* I am a huge fan of Taker’s. But Taker’s looking not just his age, but even older than Ric Flair or Hulk Hogan. For Taker to be in a Summerslam match screams of desperation on the part of WWE to boost ratings. Neither man will be seen much for the rest of the year. Sadly I do see Taker beating Brock so that they can have a rubber match at a future Wrestlemania.
I am being reminded why I watch other things on Monday night, even thro from late June 1998 to July 2014 I rarely ever missed a RAW. I have been getting emails every day for the past week to resubscribe to the WWE Network but, until Hulk Hogan comes back or RAW once again becomes must-watch-live TV, I won’t be. Do yourself a favor and just enjoy the FDH Lounge Retrospectives on Summerslam. You will be much better entertained.