First Look: Fantastic Four (1994)

Fantastic Four seemed to be cursed.  The 2005 and 2007 movies were widely panned, and it looks like the new one won’t even perform as well as those two.  However, the reason why the Fantastic Four is not in the MCU was due to a movie that was never officially released, made solely to keep the movie rights to the FF.  Was it any good?  Well, I haven’t watched it before but we can watch it together.  If you have never read a “First Look” with me before, I watch a classic geek movie for the first time, making snarky commentary throughout the film, and then go full spoilerish in final commentary.  I’ve embedded the movie into the article, so you can watch it too.

NOTE:  Times given below are how far along this particular video from Youtube is in.  Should this video go bye-bye, note that the trailer to the movie was on before the movie and it took 1:32 to get thru.

 4:18  Finally done with the opening credits.  Yeah.

4:20 Commandant Lassard is a professor?  Yeah.

5:56  Damn, that was Commandant Lassard in all but name.

7:40  What was that video game they were playing?

8:25  Why couldn’t I find girls that thought intellectuals were dreamy…althro I would hope were of legal age, of course.  (I get enough grief).

11:49  Am I watching Fantastic 4…or Highlander?

13:05  Did a soap opera have cheesy piano music for sell at a yard sale and the producers bought it or what?

17:05  She grew up nicely, didn’t she?

17:19  Even if you didn’t know what was coming…you know what is coming.

17:27  Not a bad way to explain a cheesy name, eh?

18:19  I hope that wasn’t the Mole Man

22:57  I have seen a blind person look so pissed.  Then again, she did just lose a statue.

24:44  The Mole Man playing…hopscotch?

25:33  The whole of an replacement is to do it FAST, not slowly.

26:29  What we really have is stock footage, not lift-off.

29:21  Cue cheesy, over-the-top super-villainous laugh.

33:00  Shouldn’t there be scores of rescue vehicles swarming them right now, or dd they land in sore desolate place like Mongolia, the Outback, or Detroit?

36:49  When I think about you I touch myself.  Sorry, dating myself with that song.

41:12  She definitely got carried away there.

43:00 What have they done?  They totally screwed up your voice is what they did.

44:40  At least this Thing is wearing pants.

46:09  Don’t know if the doctor scenes are funny in a good way, or so bad they are good way.

53:13  You spin me around around baby round round.  Wow, another 80’s music reference.

1:00:08 Sad trombone here.

1:01:08  Is this the same girl who played Tora/Ice in the failed JLA pilot?  (Just checked IMDB…it’s not)

1:04:13  Sad thing is today The Thing would simply be seen as a cosplayer who chooses odd times to cosplay.

1:13:19  They definitely enjoyed the music selection in that aforementioned yard sale.

1:26:06 Doom’s…down fall?  (sorry/not sorry)

1:27:00  LMAO!!!

Summary:

This was a surprisingly good movie; easily the best Marvel movie before 2000, and of superhero movies in general I think only the first Superman and the the Tim Burton Batman movies are more enjoyable.  Now, the lack of budget definitely shows in the end, with the darkness in terms in lighting, and some of the cheesy effects like the Thing’s voice and when Human Torch spirals out of control stopping the laser.

As for the characters, Reed and Sue are definitely what the roles needed.  Johnny could have been better, but considering they did this movie on the cheap, he was serviceable.  I definitely like the look of the Thing better here than in the 2015 version, pants or no pants.  As for Doctor Doom, he was cheesy, btu certainly true to the original 1960’s version.

My biggest problem is with the whole Jeweler subplot.  Were they purposely confusing the Mole Man with the Morlocks of X-Men fame?  It was nice to see Alicia Masters in there, but the movie could have survived without her.

If you need movies with great special effects, then you better avoid this movie.  However, if you like fun, cheesy movies that are not ashamed to be superhero centered, than I hoped you watched this.  If you haven’t, the scroll back up the page and watch the movie.  Great stuff.

8 snowflakes out of 10.

One comment on “First Look: Fantastic Four (1994)

  1. Wanita says:

    Well done ariclte that. I’ll make sure to use it wisely.

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